8. Playing favourites

It is easy, as a teacher (and as a parent or leader), to socially and emotionally reward those who meet your expectations and conditions. It is also just as easy to be socially and emotionally distant from those who don’t. This is a form of conditional respect (do as you are told and you’ll get what you need from me).

Conditional respect works very well in the regions of the brain that respond to reward and punishment. These functional areas are dominant in children under the age of ten, given that the adult (Blue Zone) mind states mature, at the earliest, in our late teens. Hence, for very young children, conditionality works quite well as a behaviour management strategy. As children mature, conditionality becomes increasingly less effective: a maturing brain responds more powerfully to clarity (“I know my choices”, autonomy (“I am able to choose and learn”) and unconditional acceptance (“My teacher is there for me regardless of my choices”).

The best teachers (and leaders) respond to all with equanimity and equality, regardless of how well (or poorly) an individual might be behaving. Their listening, lack of judgment, encouragement and respect are unwavering and available to all. The best teachers integrate these ‘skills’ into clear expectations for behaviour and learning.

These teachers (and leaders) are calm, consistent and have great clarity in their communications.