Written by Andrew Mowat on February 2, 2011 in Education, Leadership

4. Playing the approval game – being best buddies with the students

A common pitfall of the young and the new to teaching is to play the approval game. The behaviour that emerges with this need for approval is often over-friendliness to the students, wanting to appear to be ‘one of them’. The mistaken strategy here is make friends, form a relationship and it will all work out ok.

A key fallacy here is that engagement needs a relationship to exist. Conversely, relationships often emerge from engagement, and engagement can occur in minutes with no prior relationship. When students detect a listening, unconditionally respectful and encouraging teacher, engagement rises. When these elements are present with role clarity (i.e. role separation), clarity of expectation (i.e. rule clarity) and a calm approach to holding students accountable, then you see a high-performing classroom.

Friendly teachers rely on the strength of the commitment of students to the relationship manage behaviour. Often, when holding students accountable becomes necessary, the choice for the friendly teacher becomes lose the friendship or forget the discipline. Often, it is effective behaviour management that is the victim here.

Seeking approval from students has another hidden down side. Strong engagement occurs when we detect another person’s attention on us, for us. When you seek approval, your attention is on another person, but for you. Engagement falls when the attention ‘spent’ is for the giver, not the receiver.

So the answer is to be genuinely interested, to care, to listen and to encourage. Be friendly, without seeking approval through friendship.